


Fucking Burger

by Kashshaptu (DoctorBibbly)



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Crack, Dirty Talk, Food Kink, Other, Solo, abuse of perfectly good hamburger, hamburger porn, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:20:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6061900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorBibbly/pseuds/Kashshaptu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok, I don't even know where to start. I... have no excuse for this. I guess they'll be coming to take me away any moment now. Kaoru has a thing for fast food and decides to act on it. Happy belated birthday to Kaoru?</p><p>Seriously, though... don't read this if you're grossed out by food porn. Seriously. Like...really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fucking Burger

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kaonator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaonator/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Restricted Work] by [Random_Nexus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Nexus/pseuds/Random_Nexus). Log in to view. 



When he ordered at the local restaurant he had chosen the biggest one he could find, making sure that it had all the key ingredients. The buns, the burger itself, the cheese, lettuce, onions and tomato and of course that lovely piece of pickle that would set the whole thing off just right. This entire piece of beauty was topped off by no less than two different sauces; Ketchup and a mild mustard. It was truly a masterpiece. 

Last night he had already eaten one, when they first arrived in the city, and when he tasted it, he had known. This had to be the one. So tonight he’d gone back to the place and ordered another one, an even bigger one. The biggest one they had, in fact.

This whole burger was just pure sex. The way all the ingredients seemed to glisten with the faintest hint of grease, the way the cheese was stringy, but not too stringy and the way the lettuce and pickle seemed so crispy-fresh... 

He licked his lips as he admired the piece of art he was holding. It would really be a treat to devour. This had been a dream of him for such a long time, but in his home country he had been hesitant, thinking people might recognise him. He was on a strict diet of course, and the burgers in Japan weren’t at all like the magnificent pieces of work here in the States. But now it was finally time for him to act out on his desires. They had a day off and he had just returned to his hotel room, hours of privacy ahead, burger still piping hot from the joint he had bought it at a few minutes before. 

He decided he needed to prep a bit; create a mood, so to say. He had put the burger back down in its container and gently closed it; it had to stay warm for this, but he had to make sure it wasn’t too hot before he started; He didn’t want to burn himself. He had closed the heavy, dark curtains and he had quickly put a wet towel on the edge of his bed, out of the way for now. Then it was time for his clothes, stripping away his jeans and shirt, thinking it was most desirable to be completely nude for this. His excitement was already showing, his erection standing out proud amidst his neatly trimmed pubes, the head of his cock starting to slick with precum. The thought of actually doing this to that delicious ground round had his heart racing. 

When the room was dark, a small bedside lamp left on to create some ambiance, Kaoru sat down on the bed next to the container that held his burger. He carefully grabbed it, a soft anticipatory sound leaving his lips as he knew the time had finally come. It had been a long wait, but it would be completely worth it- He knew that for sure. He opened the box and put it back on the bed beside him. The burger had a wrapper covering about half of it, as to keep the toppings from falling out.

He’d best leave the little wrapper around it. He figured that if he got too rough, he’d at least still have the feeling of sinking into it completely, instead of losing the tomato or, god forbid, the actual burger.

Now for the semantics; how should he position himself? If he sat down, he’d probably have trouble getting in deep, because having to raise his hips from the bed each time would get tiring. Lying down would be better, but if he was on his back, gravity would cause everything to fall out. And as enticing as his groin slowly getting covered with sauce and condiments was, he really wanted to leave the burger mostly intact. He pondered on it for a while, absentmindedly stroking the warm bun and finally decided he’d do it while standing. It would probably mean the least spillage while still be able to really dig into it.

With that decided, he stood up, and carefully grabbed the cardboard container, a gasp leaving his lips again at the perfection that was his choice of burger. His fingers reached out and softly stroked over the bun again, feeling it give a bit when he softly pressed it, the sesame seeds lending it the perfect texture. When he grabbed it with both hands he could feel the warmth flooding through to his fingers. He could tell it was the perfect temperature and with a smile he held it firmly in front of his already aching cock. 

Where exactly should he slide in, though? He didn’t want to accidently poke through the bun, so he had to make sure that he’d enter his burger exactly in the middle. It was no mean feat, but he decided that the perfect spot would be between the burger and the tomato, moving one hand to carefully poke his middle finger into the spot, sliding in with ease. He groaned as he twisted his finger around a bit, wriggling the digit inside the small cavern he created. The cheese, stringy and sticking to the burger itself would be the perfect texture to rub his dick against. And the slight coolness of the tomato would help protect the top bun from tearing too much. After a few minutes, engrossed in watching his finger slide and twist in, he finally pulled it out, bringing it to this mouth. He moaned as he sucked off the digit fastidiously, making sure it was clean before carefully holding the burger in front of him.

He stood there, hands nearly trembling with anticipation and took a deep breath. Now that the moment was there, he was almost scared to ruin it. He had to release one hand to grab onto his cock, carefully guiding it, the tip poking against the patty. His pre-cum mixed with the grease on the burger and the sight and feel alone made him shudder and moan. Then, with newfound resolve, he slowly started pushing in, guided by his hand. The tomato started to move slightly backwards a little as he pushed in, but as his head slid home, it popped back to its original position. The cheese-covered meat was pushed slightly down, the burger forming some sort of protective cocoon around his cock. The feeling was better than he ever dared to dream of. His entire body shuddered as he felt the heat and texture surrounding his length and he couldn’t hold back the groan that spilled from his lips. He brought his free hand back to hold onto the burger again, clutching it tight enough in two hands so that he could feel the pressure of the ingredients surrounding him, but not so tight that he would be pushing them to the back and out into the wrapper. 

“Fuck...” he gritted his teeth as he slowly pushed the rest of the way in burying himself to the hilt. He could feel the tip of his cock brush against the wrapper as it just peeped out of the back of the burger. He had to stop for a minute and calm himself down. He was doing it. He was really doing it and it felt like he could come on the spot from just the idea of this finally being real. He tried controlling his breathing, but every time he looked down at himself the visual had his breath hitching. This feeling... it couldn’t be topped by anything, he was completely sure of that. As he slowly calmed down, he started to focus on the feel of the different ingredients. The sauce was slowly spreading between the ingredients and the moment he felt the mustard slide over his cock from between the tomato, he bit back a moan at the tingling sensation it provided to his sensitive glans.

With great care he started to pull back, wanting to savour this moment as much as he could. A piece of lettuce dropped from between the bun and the tomato; it elicited a little whine from his throat, but otherwise he had managed to keep it intact, and he smiled as he started a slow rhythm, pushing back into the moist heat more and more eager with every thrust of his hips. He was worrying his bottom lip as he precisely plunged back into the savoury hollow of his own creation, the muscles in his thighs and ass taut with the effort and a look of deep concentration painted on his face. 

It was proving harder and harder to keep himself in check, and even though he had wanted to savour this for as long as he could, he started to moan without any abandon, daring to push in harder and deeper. The cheese, which had been stringy to start with, stuck in thin strings to his cock, stretching along with every pull out, and relaxing again with every inwards push. “Oh god... fuck you feel so tight!” he nearly cried out. Knowing he couldn’t be lasting that much longer, combined with the strain to his legs, he sank to his knees, taking a few seconds to breath harshly, before adjusting the burger so he could hold it with one hand, using his now free hand to lean forwards on the carpet on his hand and knees. 

Without any more thought he started to thrust in a fast pace, not caring anymore that the bun was squished and torn in places with small dollops of ketchup seeping out, or that lettuce was starting to litter the plush carpet. He was only concentrating on his cock disappearing in between the layers of the burger, feeling his sensitive skin slide along the grease and sauce with slick, squelching sounds. “You’re so fucking wet...” he growled, pounding without abandon, “So fucking hot, slick... I’m going to fill you, push my seed inside you...” His balls had drawn up tight and his entire body was straining, pushing in with more and more force, crying out every time he plunged back in. It only took a few dozen more thrusts before he started to unravel, a loud cry spilling from his lips. His hips moved choppily, unable to keep his pace going as he felt his cock twitch, spurts of cum coming out, coating the inside of the patty, mixing with the sauce and tomato. “I’m filling you. Oh fuck!” he was babbling, but he didn’t care as he sharply thrust a few more times before stilling, leaving his cock buried in the hamburger, savouring the feeling of that heat surrounding his still sensitive length. 

It took a few minutes for him to calm down, but after just a short while he willed himself to get up, clutching the now nearly ruined food item and collapsing on his back onto the bed. He raised his hands, holding the burger in front of his face, a mixture of sauce and cum threatening to spill out at any second, drops clinging to the end of the bun. He darted out his tongue and tasted the mix of ketchup and cum before opening his mouth and taking a bite, a groan leaving his lips.

The salty tang of his own ejaculate, mixed with the mustard, ketchup and rich beef taste had shudders running through his body. It tasted even better than the one he had yesterday. Each bite was savoured to its fullest before he swallowed, and for a few minutes he lay there, eyes closed as he enjoyed the food. 

When he had eaten about half, he had to admit that as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t eat even another bite, feeling completely stuffed. With a disappointed murmur, he sat up and grabbed the container it had came in, carefully placing the burger back in and putting it on the night stand.

He was grateful that he had the forethought to put a towel close by and he grabbed it, cleaning himself off properly before carelessly flinging it off the side of the bed. With a soft, sated sigh he crawled under the covers, looking at the cardboard container on his nightstand. 

“I’ll finish you tomorrow...” he smiled, eyes closing, body so relaxed that he slipped off to sleep almost immediately.

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of a homage to Fucking Cake (whose author managed to make the idea of fucking a giant chocolate cake suddenly seem very appealing).
> 
> I hope I did it justice... It's crack, but hopefully also a little bit hot?


End file.
